To celebrate LGBTQ+ Adoption & Fostering Week (Monday 2 March to Sunday 8 March), we spoke to Fred and Rick about their journey into fatherhood, and the advice they’d give to other couples who may be exploring adoption.
For Fred and Rick, their path to becoming parents wasn’t quick or simple, but it was, in their words, “the best thing in the world.” The couple have been together for more than a decade, and from the very earliest moments of their relationship, they realised the topic of family was something that was something of shared importance.
“When we first started dating, we talked about it straight away,” Fred said. “We moved in together pretty quickly, and it was important to both of us to know whether we wanted kids. It was always on the cards — being dads was always part of the plan.”
Their adoption journey formally began in October 2022, when they first joined an information session for people exploring adoption. But the structured process, which included workshops, assessments, home visits, wouldn’t begin until early 2023. Fred explained, “We joined the workshops in February 2023, but we didn’t move into stage two until the following year because there was a wait for a social worker.”
There was also a six‑month pause in the middle when they decided to move home, a choice that ultimately put them in a stronger, more stable position to welcome a child.
Rick said: “It felt long at times, but every step happened for a reason. And when things finally started moving, they really moved.”
By mid‑2024, they had been approved as adopters. In the autumn, they were matched with a little boy, and everything changed.
Their son wasn’t yet two and a half when the match was confirmed, but even before meeting him, Fred and Rick felt a connection that was hard to describe.
“We realised he’d been born around the exact same time we first spoke to a social worker about adopting,” Fred says. “It was such a strange feeling — like while we were beginning our journey, he was beginning his life. It felt like it was meant to be.”
What followed was an intense, emotional two‑week transition period. The couple temporarily relocated, living out of hotels while they spent hours each day getting to know their future son.
“It was a whirlwind,” Rick laughed. “Up and down, constantly driving, running on adrenaline. But then suddenly he was sitting on our sofa at home. After years of talking about it and months of preparation, he was there. That moment… it’s hard to describe.”
Nothing fully prepares you for the reality of becoming a parent, as both dads quickly learned.
“We’d grown up around young children,” Fred explained, “so we thought we knew what we were in for. But being uncles is very different from being parents. Suddenly you’re up at three in the morning because his duvet’s stuck under his leg and he’s crying. You learn fast.”
But those small challenges don’t compare to the absolute joy.
“It feels like we’ve had him since he was a newborn,” Rick said. “Family days are the best, going on little trips, taking him on the train, watching him try new things. He makes us laugh every day.”
Even their old traditions have taken on new life.
“We used to love quiet caravan weekends,” Fred said. “Now we’re building sandcastles, going swimming, running around the park. It’s completely different, but so much better.”
Like many LGBTQ+ adopters, Fred and Rick initially worried about whether there would be support networks for families like theirs. Early on, they didn’t know any same‑sex couples who had adopted. That uncertainty eased when they joined a support group led by an LGBTQ+ adopter, something they described as “invaluable.”
“Being able to ask questions to someone who’d been through it, or to listen to other couples share their stories — that made such a difference,” Rick said. “It helped us feel less alone.”
But one source of support stood above all others.
Fred and Rick are quick to credit the “incredible” support they received from their social worker throughout the process.
“Nicole held our hand through everything,” Rick said. “She was always honest, always there for us, even when she didn’t have to be. She kept her work phone on during annual leave in case we needed her...who does that?”
Fred added, “She’d just show up some days, give us a hug, put the kettle on and say, ‘Right, what’s going on?’ She pushed us when we needed it, reassured us when we doubted ourselves, and never let us forget why we were doing this. We couldn’t have done it without her.”
Looking back, both dads are honest: the process can be hard.
“There were times we thought nothing was happening, times we were low, times we questioned everything,” Rick admitted. “But you have to keep going. What you get out of it is incredible.”
Fred’s message to anyone considering adoption is simple: “There’s no harm in asking. You’re not committed by making an enquiry. Just take that first step, get information, talk to different people, ask questions. Even just starting a conversation can be the beginning of your whole future.”
This week reminds us that there’s never a “perfect” moment to start exploring adoption, just the moment you choose. And for Fred and Rick, choosing to take that first step and come along to an online information session changed everything.
If you’re curious about adoption and would like to learn more, visit: https://www.thurrock.gov.uk/adoption
